August 15, 2017 / 2:11 pm

I went to Perry’s at Lollapalooza for the first time and survived to tell the tale

This was something I was not prepared for and I don’t know if there is any way that anyone could ever be.

If you’re unaware of what Perry’s is, I’ll give you a brief description: Perry’s is a circle of Hell located at Lollapalooza filled with spandex booty shorts, dust, totems, glitter, and lots and lots of drug use and underage drinking. This is also where the directors of Lolla decide to have all of the EDM DJs, and even a few rappers, staged.

If you’ve ever attended any sort of EDM show or any festival at all then you’re probably already imagining the zoo that is Perry’s, but if you haven’t been to the stage then you have absolutely no idea how wild it truly is.

I went to Perry’s for the first time Thursday afternoon while A-Track was performing. I was immediately immersed in a sea of party buns and Lebron James jerseys. Although I am known to show up to my fair share of EDM events, including the mud pit that is the Snake Pit, I could tell immediately that this wasn’t my scene.

These literal children camp out all day at this stage to wub and dub. Most of the people at this stage are not the diehard EDM fans I have encountered as a fan of the music, but rather kids who are at festivals to do drugs and take cool pictures for their Instagram. This group being the main group at the stage means that there’s a hell of a lot of drug use going on. I was scarred for life by watching a limp woman being dragged out and dropped on the ground, face first. Luckily Lollapalooza has a safety team stationed directly at the edge of Perry’s who keep their eyes on the scene. The team immediately rushed over to this woman and got her the attention that she needed.

When I returned to Perry’s to see Dirty Audio, I was a little more into it. Admittedly, I did try to fight someone in a Lebron jersey which may have gotten me into the spirit of Perry’s, but it was also a lot less crowded than my previous venture into the wild which made it possible to dance and be goofy.

Perry’s is very interesting and I don’t know that I quite get the concept of it. Maybe I started going to festivals too old, or maybe I myself am too old, to understand spending several hundred dollars on a ticket to stand in front of a single stage all day while packed in like a can of sardines and listen to people that you don’t really know or like just to be a part of the scene that makes for the best Instagram aesthetic. The fun of going to a festival (for me personally) is discovering new music and meeting interesting and eclectic people.

If you ever find yourself wandering down the back strip of Lolla and are greeted by the giant flashing “Perry’s” sign and gaggle of underage children making out and posing in the streets pictures… Don’t say I didn’t warn you.