April 1, 2019 / 3:37 pm

Five Songs For The Lime Ride to The Final You’re Late To

Pictured Above: Joey Conway in the ideal Lime riding stance. 

1. “I Wanna Be Sedated” – The Ramones

Let’s face it. It was a 50/50 split on whether or not you were going to try to make it to this exam or just say fuck it and drop out. Who could really blame you? It’s 9:27 am on a Friday morning. You’re hungover. But bless your soul, you decided to try and make it anyway. Godspeed little chipmunk. This song will help you deal with the nausea and hopefully the stress because man getting to the lecture hall is only ever half the battle, isn’t it? You probably need to be sedated right now, let that anxiety melt away.

2. “In Too Deep” – Sum 41

Whoops, The Ramones kind of had the opposite of the desired effect. Now you’re spiraling into a little bit of an existential crisis. One could say that you’re… in too deep? (Heh no but for real, let this bleached blonde, Canadian skate-punk wash over you. If these boys can make it, so can you.) I mean what’s the point of college in the first place? You could have taken that apprenticeship back in Jefferson City fixing garage doors. It wouldn’t be much but its a secure living. Garage doors will probably be around for a while, right? No! You can do this! I mean you’ve done big things before, things everyone told you weren’t possible. The power is within!

3. “Spirit In the Sky” – Norman Greenbaum

But to be honest, a little praying never hurt anybody. Appeal to the spirit in the sky my human being.  I mean really just throw some up there to any sort of deity you can think of. Whatever happens today, Norman will see you through with his folksy stylings. You don’t have to actually follow through on that shit. You can tell Zeus that if he can snag you that sweet C+ you’ll quit juuling but come on. Your word is worthless but that grade is permanent.

4. “Gonna Fly Now” – Rocky Orchestra

This is it baby, the home stretch. You can see the lecture hall approaching in the distance. Time for the most triumphant song ever to be put to paper. Sweet victory, be sure to dance around and pump those fists a little at the top of the steps. There’s probably even still enough time for you to randomly fill in at least seventy-five percent of the bubbles. No one can say you didn’t try. No one can say you didn’t give it you’re all. And really, in the end, isn’t that the true victory? How much time do you have left exactly?

5. “Another One Bites The Dust” – Queen

Oof. Crossing an intersection, bad time to check your phone there champ. But hey, at least you get some Queen to jam out too while you wait for the ambulance. Come on, this one’s a classic (albeit a bit on the nose). And even better, it’s one of the songs with the beat you’re supposed to do CPR to!