April 1, 2016 / 10:58 am

Apple Pushes Another U2 Album To All Devices: “There’s nothing you can do about it”

Yesterday at the March Apple Keynote during the company’s opening speech, it was announced that U2 is back with a follow up to their 2014 album, Songs of Innocence.

“We heard your complaints about the last U2 album release, and we promptly disregarded them”, Apple CEO, Tim Cook said while grasping the cracked skull of the late Steve Jobs. “We know how hard it was to get it off of your devices, but that wasn’t enough for us. Here at Apple, we strive to be innovative in every way. That’s why this time, the album will be impossible to delete.”

Along with this news, Apple set a legal precedent within the courts, as the FBI personally asked the company to remove the album from their iPhones. “We tried shooting missiles at it, but it only made the phone stronger”, said James Comey, director of the FBI. It was a very personal case for many Apple customers, because after updating to iOS 9.4, the U2 album is automatically downloaded to a user’s library. If your phone is full and does not have enough space, they simply delete your Top 25 most played songs in order to make room.

The update doesn’t stop with U2’s release, as there are many visual and internal improvements made as well. One of the most talked about features is your number getting added to Bono’s contact list, so that he can call you at 3 a.m. to earnestly inquire about your favorite song on the album.

Apple has also adjusted Siri so that she sends the user an hourly reminder until they listen to the album, and if they refuse, she just plays it at maximum volume out of the phones external speakers.

Tim Cook concluded his speech saying “we owe it to our loyal customers. We know that people hate getting a different charger and case for every new phone they buy, so we thought we would give them the smallest feeling of permanence possible. What better way to evoke that than with a U2 album? I’m proud to say that as of tonight, the album has reached 500 million downloads, making it the most popular release of all time, with five times more copies than Michael Jackson’s Thriller.”

Bono later sent out two tweets, one thanking Apple, and another saying “Ha ha more like pro Bono. Bc it’s free lol.”

If you don’t have an Apple device, you can stream U2’s newest album We’re Still Relevant here.