So I’ve been in London for nearly two months now, spending my days working and exploring in this wonderful city. My favorite two things in the world are music and history and considering that London has more history than I could ever ask for and so many great bands-from The Beatles to Oasis to One Direction-call England home, it’s safe to say that these two months have been nothing short from stupendous. However, unfortunately I must go home July 6. That’s unfortunate because a) I don’t want to go home; b) I must spend the holiest of all holidays-JULY FOURTH-in London. It’s utter blasphemy that I must spend my favorite holiday of the year in the country that we won our INDEPENDENCE from. It’s hard for me to comprehend that I’ll be spending that wonderful July day here instead of at home celebrating my freedom to grill meat, drink free water (can’t legally guzzle pints in the U.S.), pretend the my fourth amendments rights are still somewhat relevant and bask in the glory that is celebrating a bunch of misogynistic, idealistic, racist and religious zealots who nearly signed their life away on the pretense of creating a democratic society. On that note, here’s the ten songs that I’ll be sure to be listening to this July 4th, and maybe, if I close my eyes and try hard enough I’ll be able to smell that sweet scent of freedom that vaguely resembles burgers and hot dogs on the grill.
What’s more American that the Boss himself? Rock and roll? New Jersey suburbs? Being friends with the current President? Oh wait I’m just describing him. Bruce Springsteen is the America that we’re all nostalgic for. Raise a Budweiser (or glass of lemonade) up for him this July Fourth.
Ahhh those flyover states. You know the ones that them city-folk fly over when they jet from La Guardia to LAX every other week just because they can and they don’t know the comforts of home like pork and corn and cherry pie and family reunions. If there is a song that could make me actually wish that I grew up in the middle of a cornfield, this would be the song. And what’s more American than growing up in a cornfield?
Dream team. But apparently they aren’t BFF anymore cause Jay and Bey didn’t show up to the West-Kardashian
hot mess wedding. So celebrate the past, like when Jay and Ye were still tight and when John Hancock proudly signed his name on the Declaration of Independence and listen to this song during your Independence day BBQ.
Before Miley was swinging naked on wrecking balls and making out with sledgehammers, she was naively wearing jeans and a cardigan in LA. I mean really Miley, check the weather app on your phone. LA is not jeans and cardigan weather. Miley and America are both very similar. They were both loved for their ability to seem cool but also be restrained, Miley a role model for young girls and America a role model for young democracies. But then something went wrong and now they’re both overplayed on the radio. Maybe that comparison sounded better in my head.
Never underestimate the power of a man armed with a harmonica with a captive audience.
The Real Housewives Franchise is the best way for new immigrants to understand the precautions of actually succeeding in this capitalist society. Countess Luann of Real Housewives of New York fame decided that just being a Countess wasn’t enough, so she went on to achieve her dream of being a singer. “Money Can’t Buy You Class” is the greatest piece of irony since the work of another great American humorist, Mark Twain. The Countess proves that money really can’t buy you class and that’s a true American statement if there ever is one.
Wanksta=white gangster. Celebrate post-racial America with this song, featured on the classic movie 8 Mile.
In England, when people get drunk and want to all sing a song together, they sing “Wonderwall” by Oasis. Brits are proud of Oasis, despite the ever-feuding Gallagher brothers. In America, when people get drunk and want to all sing a song together, they sing “Ignition.” Make what you want of this.
Blink-182 is the ultimate suburban kid band and “All The Small Things” is the ultimate suburban kid band. The suburbs are the ultimate American housing development and I don’t know where I’m going with this but ask any random kid on a suburban street with headphones on if he has “All The Small Things” on his iPod and he will say yes.
The most basic principle that the U.S. was founded on was that there would be no state religion; anyone was free to practice their religion and under law, persecution would not be tolerated. There would be no king with rights endowed by some god and when citizens of the newly formed country offered to make George Washington a king, he scoffed at them and instead became President. Until 2013, we did a pretty good job as a country to keep up this great tradition of separation of church and state and the like. But then Kanye dropped Yeezus, proclaimed that he was a god and the rest is history. Kanye is a god and we are all his lowly subjects. At least maybe next year we’ll get an invite to Kidchella.