There isn’t much time left until summer movies start to premiere, and one of the first destined-to-be-blockbuster is Avengers: Age of Ultron, coming out on May 1. It’s totally going to be awesome. I’ve been thinking about it way too much lately. None of my friends want to hear my ramblings and pointless musings anymore, so I’ve turned to the internet.
James Bond influences everything the characters do, turning each and everyone into a trope
Just kidding. But Joss Whedon, the director, told Empire magazine:
“The opening location is really stunning. There was a moment when there were soldiers and different kinds of people fighting them, and these guys in winter camp come up on a castle in one of those mountain resort elevators that goes side-to-side and looks like a gumboil machine, and I was looking at the Italian alps and the mist and the castle, and this weird thing rises up, full of soldiers in winter camo, and everybody was like… (sings the Bond theme).”
Tony Stark being a narcissistic, self-interested, asshole
He did give up his superhero ways at the end of Iron Man 3. But that doesn’t mean he still can’t cause trouble. Plus, we know he’s going to be in Captain America 3: Civil War. So he’ll be causing some kind of mischief. Especially with this Ultron hullabaloo. What is Ultron you ask? Good question. We’ll get to that later. But seriously. Why does Tony have to fuck everything up? Is Pepper ever going to make him retire? Can’t he just find some nice toy trains to play with as a hobby?
NO TOM HIDDLESTON
Sorry fangirls. You’re going to have to wait until Thor 3. Is that really what we need though? Is Thor really such a great protagonist?? AW YIS, I SWING MY HAMMER AND AM AN AUSTRALIAN GOD. Okay, I see his point.
Captain America looking sad all the time
He’s our moral compass in this strange new world. He doesn’t know who he is, and the future, as Cap has discovered, is corrupt and unfamiliar. Therefore, he’s likely to still be cautious and suspicious of the future and not likely to trust his compatriots easily soon. Ahem, Tony Stark. We’ve already seen them at odds before. And the fantastic Civil War memes are just speculation, but possibly valid. I’m really hoping it’ll be over Stark’s goatee. Although wouldn’t it be fantastic if Steve grew a beard and then they just duked it out? A girl can only dream.
ANGRY FACE HULK
Banner will probably still always be on the wrong side of the tracks. It’s been hinted at that he and Stark are now bros (bruh, like seriously, don’t), and that they both have a part in creating their own little Frankenstein’s monster. But will he have some saucy moments with Natasha? Is that really what we want? I’ve always hoped for some Hawkeye action there. But maybe she’ll cataclymasically break his heart, and he’ll catacalmically break the earth. As you do.
Fingers crossed we’ll get some backstory on the superhero, especially concerning his whereabouts during Winter Soldier. He’ll probably still be an underdog (not what he deserves!), but considering Ant Man got a film before him, my hopes aren’t high.
Black Widow putting all the boys in their place
She’ll literally be perfect like always. Despite not having a legitimate movie explaining her story (or one of them), she’s periodically shown up in most of the Marvel films (always the sidekick, never the star). EVERYONE will know what her private history is, due to the leak at the end of Winter Soldier. I don’t know how she will handle the information breach, be it with no shame or indignant malignment.
Mysterious super villain Ultron
The gang’s getting all back together to fight this big ol’ bot, played by James Spader. Ultron’s going to be a self-aware robot, as invited by the meddling Stark to solve humanity’s problems. Turns out, humanity’s biggest problem is … the people that make up that particular group, and this dude wants to fulfill his mission and save the earth by… destroying society.
Other interesting characters
Some new folks will be enfolded in the Marvel drama, including Magneto’s spawn, the twins Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver (played by Aaron Taylor-Johnson and Elizabeth Olsen). We know these two jokers are powerful, and have been locked up somewhere, due to a post-credit scene. So some jailbreak will probably be involved. Hopefully with Black Widow, because she’s awesome and has to do everything herself. Also, they aren’t officially able to acknowledge the relationship to the Fantastic Four franchise due to copyright issues with Fox. Spider-Man, alas, will not be making an appearance. Scarlet Witch will likely hold some power over the Hulk, possibly making him have more angry faces than usual (but I doubt that’s even possible). They’re also setting up some characters for future movies, including one for the Black Panther movie (2018). They considered putting Carol Danvers aka Captain Marvel in it, but somebody had some sense to think that a rushed introduction wasn’t the right way to go. Thank the lord. There’s also going to be a guy named Vision, who is an android and somehow relates to JARVIS (both are played by Paul Bettany).
Also, if you made it to the end of this balderdash, you can make it to the end of the credits in the movie, WHERE THERE WILL BE A POST-CREDITS SCENE (there always is. In every single Marvel movie. You’ve been missing out). They’re usually easter eggs foreshadowing what’s next for our beloved characters that take up too much of our time and meme space. So there you go. The movie officially comes out May 1, which is so close I can almost taste it.